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When do you know that you have moved on? When do you know that you are okay? That you are over it?

Am I over it? Have I moved on? Or am I just pre-occupied with something new?

I guess it just happens and you never really know when or how until one day you you just realize that you haven’t thought about it in awhile. And then you know that it doesn’t matter, and you have moved on.

I would like to say I have moved on and I am over it. But it hasn’t been that long and I just can’t imagine that I could pull the break like that. But then… I have been doing alot of thinking lately. And I have realized how bad the situation was. And how unhappy I was. I feel like I am free and I can do whatever I want. But does that mean that I am over him?

I’ve kissed someone else. Two someone elses. (I’m not a hoe, really!) It was nice. James was a shock. Dave was sweet. It was freedom. I did not think about Jason. So… what does that mean?

Am I ready to move on? Should I continue this? Should I try forming a relationship with someone new? Should I even be thinking about this?

I don’t want to rush into something that may be great, but turns sour because I am not ready. Do I need to be alone? I was single for 3 and a half years. I really enjoyed it. Is that what I need? To ‘find’ myself?

How do I know? When will I know? Life is just happening. It is odd.

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Freinds are awesome. Can one ever have too many friends? I don’t know. I guess you could get to the point were you try to maintain close relationships with so many people that inevitably all your relationships suffer. I’m not there yet.

I think that is one the the hardest things about ending a relationship. Not to mention the sadness, anger, feeling like a relationship failure, having your heart broken… The thing is that I have a tendancy to lose touch with people when I get really involved in a relationship. I throw myheart and soul into it. I’m sure some ‘losing touch’ is common when you start up a new relationship just because you are spending so much of your time with this one person, but I think that I take it to the extreme.

I don’t have many “friends”. I have alot of aquaintances and I am well-known in the community (which doesn’t help), but not many people I can really talk to and just chill with. Just relax and be me.

When you are a couple, you have couple friends. J and I shared friends. And now that we aren’t together, it is somewhat awkward to hang with those friends, because I know they are his friends. And most of them are his family members, or were his friends before they were my friends. And they have said that they love me and think I am great… but they thought I was great as J’s other half. They have never known me without him. They are somewhat biased because they are his friends and could see that I made him happy. And now that I don’t make him happy anymore, are they still my friends? I don’t know.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am grateful for my friendships. New friends are fun and exciting. Old friends are amazing, because they know all aobut you and love you still. I hope to have many old friends as I age. I want to die having people around me who will miss me, and cherish the years we spent as friends. Maybe that is morbid to be thinking of my death…but actually I am thinking of my life. A life of joy, happiness, freindship. A life I want to live. A person I want to be.