Okay, I was right. Full circle.

Well, maybe half-circle. I’m not completely in the pit of despair, but I have come down. I don’t know what happened. All of the sudden I feel like a huge lard-a## and I don’t want to do anything but sleep.

I’m hoping it is just because I have been ill yesterday and still not feeling well today. Or was I ill because I am depressed. Damn! I hate this. I hate my stomache. I hate my scars. I hate my face. I hate me.

OK. That last one is not totally true. I don’t *hate* me. I just have moments of despising myself and wishing I could be better. Perfect.

I wish I was perfect. I know! Unrealistic. There is know perfect. But somehow that’s what I’m always striving for. Maybe that’s why I’m so miserable. The endless chase of something unattainable.