Freinds are awesome. Can one ever have too many friends? I don’t know. I guess you could get to the point were you try to maintain close relationships with so many people that inevitably all your relationships suffer. I’m not there yet.

I think that is one the the hardest things about ending a relationship. Not to mention the sadness, anger, feeling like a relationship failure, having your heart broken… The thing is that I have a tendancy to lose touch with people when I get really involved in a relationship. I throw myheart and soul into it. I’m sure some ‘losing touch’ is common when you start up a new relationship just because you are spending so much of your time with this one person, but I think that I take it to the extreme.

I don’t have many “friends”. I have alot of aquaintances and I am well-known in the community (which doesn’t help), but not many people I can really talk to and just chill with. Just relax and be me.

When you are a couple, you have couple friends. J and I shared friends. And now that we aren’t together, it is somewhat awkward to hang with those friends, because I know they are his friends. And most of them are his family members, or were his friends before they were my friends. And they have said that they love me and think I am great… but they thought I was great as J’s other half. They have never known me without him. They are somewhat biased because they are his friends and could see that I made him happy. And now that I don’t make him happy anymore, are they still my friends? I don’t know.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am grateful for my friendships. New friends are fun and exciting. Old friends are amazing, because they know all aobut you and love you still. I hope to have many old friends as I age. I want to die having people around me who will miss me, and cherish the years we spent as friends. Maybe that is morbid to be thinking of my death…but actually I am thinking of my life. A life of joy, happiness, freindship. A life I want to live. A person I want to be. 

Advertisements